Attend to every part of yourself to reduce stress

You’ve just gotten home from a long day at work. You haven’t been home since 7 o’clock this morning and you get out of the car, looking forward to plop down on the couch and put your feet up. The only decisions you are planning to make is whether you should watch your favorite television program, read a book or simply meditate.

You take a look at the lawn and realize it hasn’t been mowed, even though your landscaper promised it would happen today. That’s okay. You’ll give him a call when you get in the house; it should only take a few minutes and then you can relax.

You walk inside the house and see the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Your son promised to wash them when he got home from school, as well as take out the trash. You check that and see he hasn’t done that either.

You open the refrigerator and realize you forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer to defrost for tonight’s supper. You groan as you try to figure out something else to cook.

You walk down the hallway to your bedroom and realize the dog has made a mess on the floor, and no one has cleaned it up yet. You step over it and head straight to your daughter’s room to ask her why she didn’t take out the dog like she was supposed to. She’s lying in bed with a headache. So, you step over the poo and get her some aspirin.

Then you walk back and clean up the poo.

Then you walk into your son’s room only to find a note on his door saying he went to a friend’s house and he will be home in time for supper.

You take a look at the couch and realize you did have something planned that involved the couch tonight, but now, with all these other responsibilities, you’ve forgotten what that plan is.

Sound familiar?

If so, then you are one of plenty of women who are suffering from stress. Today’s woman has many responsibilities—work, school, home life, children, spouse, etc. Gone are the June Cleaver days (if they ever really existed). Now you feel like you have to be Wonder Woman, conquering the world and saving the day.

Although you might be helping everyone around you, the truth is, you’re hurting yourself. Many women become so involved in taking care of others, that they neglect to take care of the one person who matters the most—themselves!

Working with individuals who can relate to the above description, I have come to discover that there are five areas in life that need to be nurtured in order to obtain and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle. These areas are spiritual, social, emotional, mental and physical.

The Spiritual Piece
How do you get in touch with your spirituality? Some people practice their spirituality by going to church, others by communing with nature. Some read religious literature, others meditate. Whatever you do that helps you get in touch with your inner peace, practice it on a regular basis.

Your Social Life
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own lives, we forget that there’s a whole other world out there that needs to be enjoyed. Get in touch with old friends, schedule lunch dates or play dates or a girls night out. Limited on friends? Join a social networking group with others who have a common bond. Schedule time with family or take a few minutes every day to chat with co-workers.

Getting In Touch Your Emotions
When we have so much on our plate, sometimes we go on automatic pilot and ignore how we’re feeling inside. Ignoring our emotions will ultimately lead to feeling stressed. Therefore it’s important to get in touch with those feelings, recognize them and acknowledge them. You can do this by journaling, writing a letter, talking to someone you trust or seeking individual or group therapy.



Stimulate your Mind
What stimulates your mind? Tackling a project at work? Learning a new language or craft? Doing a crossword puzzle or sudoku? Reading a book or the newspaper? Watching an educational TV program? Engage in mental stimulation on a regular basis to keep your interests up and your mind sharp.



Your Physical Body
Taking care of your body goes hand-in-hand with taking care of your mind. If we ignore one, it will exacerbate symptoms in the other, such as upset stomach, rapid heartbeat, headaches, etc. Make sure you are eating proper foods; they are the fuel that makes your body go. Exercise on a regular basis by walking, running, yoga, playing a new sport. Also, treat your body to luxuries such as massage, a new haircut or a facial.

It’s important that we nurture these five areas equally (or as equally as possible) in order to maintain a balanced lifestyle. Doing so will prevent feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, isolation, sadness, and anxiety. It will also create a healthier and happier you!

How has your grief event changed your life?

Grief sucks.

I know, not the most eloquent way to put it, but it's true. I wish Hallmark would come out with a card with such brutal honesty. When we experience any kind of loss, it really turns our world upside down. Routines change, emotions come in unexpected waves, our thoughts, once clear, become muddled. 

I'm working with a group of wonderful, faith-filled people dedicated to ease the burdens of those who are grieving. We are developing a faith-based support group for all types of grief--death of a loved one, divorce, diagnosis of a medical illness, to name a few. Last night, a member posed an interesting question that has given me some thought: Are we really changed by our grief? Don't we essentially stay the same but adapt to a new circumstance?

Grief is personal. One person may have renewed faith after being diagnosed with an illness, another may lose their faith altogether. One person may find new meaning in life after a loved one dies, the other may not have any change in their outlook at all. 

Any life event gives us the opportunity for personal growth. In times of grief, I have witnessed people grapple with emotions they never experienced before. I have seen people find new ways to honor their loved ones. I have known many who are inspired to help others with similar tragedies.

A very wise professor once said, "We cannot change and remain the same." So simple, yet so thought provoking.

Has your grief event changed you?

Eliminate "black and white" thinking!

Sometimes when we are depressed, we tend to see our situations in black and white. This is also called “all or nothing” thinking. If you find yourself muttering:

“Nothing ever goes my way.”
“Everything I do is wrong.”
“I’m a complete failure.”
“This is the worst job in the world!”
“Everything bad happens to me.”

….then you probably see your life in black and white! These statements are extreme and if you were to break it down, you’d probably realize that there are other worse jobs and that sometimes things do go your way.

To break these thoughts down, ask yourself the following questions:

1). Is it really true?
2). What evidence do I have that supports this statement?
3). What evidence do I have that disproves this statement?

If you do this with all of the extreme statements you make, then you’ll probably start realizing just how extreme they are. So, how do you stop making such statements?

First, you’ll want to pay very close attention to your vocabulary, your thinking vocabulary and your speaking vocabulary. How often do you use words like “always,” “never,” “all” and “every”? Why not replace these words with “sometimes” or focus on the solitary incident instead of generalizing it to every situation?

If you start to eliminate the use of the words, you'll notice a decrease in your extreme statements and a decrease in negative thinking. And with any luck, you’ll see greener grass on your side of the fence!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide. In the United States, one in five Americans experiences a mental illness, including depression, anxiety and psychosis. Although the numbers show how common mental illness is, the stigma remains.

Stigma often prevents people from getting help out of fear of discrimination. I’ve worked with many people who withhold their suffering from co-workers, friends and even their closest family. They worry that others will view them as helpless or even dangerous.  These worries lead to isolation and eventually worsened symptoms.

So how can we reduce the stigma? First, we need to be open about our own mental health issues. We don’t necessarily have to broadcast every personal detail, but be comfortable enough to share our challenges in conversation. For example, turn a conversation about a celebrity’s public meltdown into an eye-opening discussion about mental health. By admitting we’ve had our own bouts of depression, anxiety or substance abuse, shows that no one is immune and everyone can overcome any challenge.

We also need to reach out to others who appear to be struggling. Don’t just ask “how are you?” Delve a little deeper. For instance, if your co-worker had a death in the family, continue to check in with them weeks later. Acknowledge that grief is very difficult and you are available to talk.  

Lastly, social media can be a wonderful way to get the word out about mental health issues. Share interesting articles and positive encouragement to others. I once shared an article about suicide grief and a friend of mine privately thanked me. She shared struggles with me that I never knew about. The lesson: you never know who you can be helping. 

A Little Bit About Little Me

A couple of years ago, there was this trend among the local media to "out" themselves, to bare their souls, the reveal their most vulnerable sides. They wrote lengthy articles and blogs on social media, telling their readers all about them, their dreams, their fears. I commend these people and anyone else who has the courage to introduce themselves in such a raw way.

So many of us live in shame. We are ashamed of our choices, of our pasts, of parts of us that are out of our control. It's time to rise above the shame and say, "This is me. I like me. Take it or leave it." And I think that's the courage these individuals portrayed.

So, now it's my turn. A little bit about little me. And, when I say little, I mean 4-foot-8-and-a-half inches of me. And before you ask, my husband is 5'10", so yes, we are mistaken as father and daughter from time to time. Gives us a good laugh, though when I was much younger, I would have been offended. But, let me tell you, as you get closer to 40, you wish for the days that someone mistakes you for younger!

First and foremost, my favorite, most challenging job is that of Mommy. I like to think of myself as a Wonder Mom. Not because I'm that awesome at it, but because I often wonder how I am doing at this crazy job. I wonder if I'm feeding my kids the right food, disciplining them the right way, teaching them the right things. I wonder what my kids are doing when they are at school. I wonder if I'm screwing them up for life. I wonder if I worry too much....

I have a boy and a girl and in the past 6-plus years, they have taught me more about life than I ever could learn in school. They continue to show me how I can be a better person, how I can grow into the mother they deserve. I cherish them.

I'm also a licensed mental health counselor. I earned my masters degree in counselor education from the University of Central Florida (go Knights!) and I've worked in a variety of settings including non-profit organizations, a university campus, hospitals and private practice. The journey of therapy is a delicate one and I am honored to have walked that journey with so many amazing people. People often ask, "How do you do it?" Yes, to witness the pain of another can be heartbreaking. But to witness them emerge from their darkness as stronger human beings fills my heart. And that's why I do what I do.

I've always known I wanted to help people. When I was three years old, my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said, "a helper." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew that's what I wanted to do. I also knew I loved to write. I began reading and writing at an early age and, in some form or another, it's always been a part of my life.

I encourage you to do something courageous today. Find someone you trust and let them in. You may be in for a surprise.

Healthy Coping Skills to Appeal to All Your Senses

Feeling a little off balance? Sometimes when we're overworked and overstressed, the usual things that help us feel better just aren't cutting it. Try something new! Here's a list of skills to engage all five senses!

Listening to music

Taking a bath

Exercise

Yoga

Kickboxing

Taking a nature walk

Writing in a journal

Writing a song, poem, story, etc.

Scrapbooking

Gardening

Cooking a delicious meal

Volunteering

Stretching

Writing a letter to someone you love

Writing a letter to someone who hurt you

Visiting a museum, zoo or art gallery

Taking a creative class: cooking, singing, language, dancing, etc.

Watch a funny movie or TV show

Screaming in your car (rather than at others)

Punching a pillow or a bean bag

Drinking a cup of tea or coffee

Playing a musical instrument

Joining a support group

Talking to supportive friends or family

Eating healthy

Meditate

Caressing a pet

Dancing

Singing

Getting a massage or pedicure

Getting a haircut

Scrubbing the bathtub (helps release tension and anger)

Drawing

Painting

Throwing water balloons at the side of your house

Putting on your favorite article of clothing

What are some other coping skills you can add to the list?

Learning to practice what I preach

For years I have loved the quote, "Bloom where you are planted." I can't remember where I first saw it, but I've always believed that no matter where you are in life, you have to make the best of it. Find the good in the little things.

I recently had a change in my work schedule, leaving me home alone some days while my kids are at school. While I have plenty of housework to keep me busy, I can only do so much laundry without becoming bored to tears. So, instead of getting sucked into daytime television, I have decided to spend those free moments writing. I have decided to bloom where I am planted. Life has given me this schedule, so I am going to use it to its fullest.

I'm writing to help others, for it is when I am helping others that I am at my best, that I feel my best.

Happy Spring everyone!